Guide to Communicating with Neurodiverse Humans
A Human's Guide to Communicating with Neurodiverse Humans
Respectful, Inclusive, Empowering Communication for All Minds
🌈 Why This Guide Exists
This guide was born from both professional commitment and lived experience. As a neurodivergent woman, parent, partner, and leader, I’ve spent decades navigating the friction points of miscommunication — and the beauty that unfolds when we get it right.
From classrooms and boardrooms to kitchen tables and coaching circles, I’ve witnessed how powerful, safe, and spacious communication transforms relationships, learning, and self-worth. I wrote this because I needed it. My family needed it. And maybe you — or someone you care about — needs it too.
Neurodiverse individuals (including those with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, AuDHD, and other cognitive differences) experience, interpret, and process the world in beautifully unique ways.
Communication that honors neurodiversity is not only more respectful — it’s more effective, authentic, and transformative.
In a world that often defaults to one style of speaking, processing, and expressing — we believe it's time to upgrade the script. This guide is for leaders, educators, team builders, caregivers, and communicators who want to connect more clearly, more compassionately, and more consciously.
Let’s make communication a place where everyone feels safe to show up, speak up, and shine.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Communication
Modern neuroscience teaches us that communication is not just about words — it’s about regulation, connection, and safety. For neurodiverse individuals, whose brains may be wired differently when it comes to sensory integration, executive function, and emotional processing, communication strategies that consider the brain-body connection are essential.
Here’s what we know:
The brain’s social engagement system (via the vagus nerve) is activated when we feel safe. That means calm tone, predictable structure, and clear language matter.
Executive function challenges (common in ADHD and autism) make it harder to manage time, initiate response, or filter distractions. Offering prompts, structure, and non-urgent space supports connection.
Sensory processing varies — some brains are hyper-sensitive to sound, light, or even word choice. Gentle environments and kind pacing reduce overload.
Emotional regulation is a co-regulated experience. When one person is grounded, the other is more likely to stay present too.
Mediums matter. Research shows face-to-face communication leads to greater activation of brain regions tied to empathy, trust, and social reward (e.g. the medial prefrontal cortex and temporoparietal junction). Digital formats like email or social media reduce emotional resonance and can cause misunderstandings, especially for neurodivergent brains that rely on tone and contextual cues to fully grasp meaning.
Understanding these neurological differences isn’t about over-accommodating — it’s about right-fitting our communication to the nervous system in front of us.
👂 Core Principles
1. Assume Competence
Always presume the person understands and deserves full respect. Speak with, not down to. This isn’t about simplifying — it’s about elevating trust.
2. Use Clear, Direct Language (and pictures)
Neurodiverse brilliance thrives in clarity. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Skip the double meanings, unless they’re welcome. Use Pictures, Visual Aids help!
3. Honour Processing Time
Silence doesn’t mean disconnection. Space is sacred. Give time to process, reflect, and respond without urgency.
4. Avoid Sensory Overload
Environment matters. Noise, tone, light, and movement can overwhelm. Create at least a space or calm zone where possible.
5. Embrace Multi-Modal Communication
Words aren’t the only way. Some people think in pictures, patterns, or movement. Ask: “What’s the best way for you to engage?” How do things make most sense for you?
6. Validate Emotions Without Forcing Eye Contact
Presence doesn’t require a gaze. Let tone, attention, and intention do the connecting.
7. Use Routines & Predictability Where Possible
Spontaneity can be beautiful — but predictability builds safety. Share what’s coming up, when, and why.
8. Check for Understanding (Gently)
Instead of “Do you get it?” try: “Would you like a different version of that?” or “What would help make this clearer?”
9. Ask About Needs — and Respect the Answer
Needs aren’t inconveniences — they’re insights. Ask: “What support feels right for you right now?”
10. Make Space for Regulation
Breaks aren’t breakdowns. Movement, stim tools, or quiet pauses support self-regulation — and that’s what sustains connection.
💬 Language + Formatting Choices Matter
Words are bridges — let’s build ones people want to cross. But how we format those words? That’s part of the magic too.
Em dashes (—) can offer rhythm and flow, giving thoughts space to breathe. For some neurodiverse readers, this pacing adds clarity rather than clutter (and NO it does not immediately mean that AI has been used).
Line breaks and headings help chunk information, making it easier to scan and process visually. Dense blocks of text can feel overwhelming — spacious formatting invites ease.
Emojis aren’t just cute — they’re contextual cues. For those who struggle with tone, emojis can soften, clarify, or signal emotion in ways plain text can't.
And of course, inclusive language remains key:
Say: “Would you like me to explain that differently?” not “You’re not listening.”
Say: “Thanks for letting me know,” not “That’s not what I meant.”
Say: “Let’s co-create how we do this,” not “That’s not how we usually do things.” “Let’s co-create how we do this,” not “That’s not how we usually do things.”
Words are bridges — let’s build ones people want to cross.
🌟 Inclusive Practices in Action
Designing inclusive communication means being intentional — not just with what we say, but how we share it. When we embrace diverse learning styles, processing needs, and communication preferences, we create access points for everyone.
Use plain, accessible language in written comms — clear, jargon-free, and direct
Offer multiple formats: written, audio, visual, and interactive options (e.g., transcripts for videos, audio for written updates, illustrated guides, or hands-on demos)
Consider learning preferences:
Visual: diagrams, icons, color-coded outlines
Auditory: voice notes, conversational walkthroughs
Kinesthetic: opportunities to interact, move, or build understanding through action
Reading/Writing: written notes, guides, and reflection prompts
Let people choose their tool: “Would you like this in a Loom video, PDF, or summary note, voice note?”
Include content warnings for emotionally sensitive topics (Trigger Warning!)
Make live meetings optional or recorded — with summaries for reflection
Normalize communication styles: scripting, pacing, fidgeting, info-dumping, looping, or silence
Invite feedback loops: “How did that land?” or “Would a different format work better for you?”
Inclusive communication isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being perceptive, proactive, and people-first.
🛠️ Designing Systems, Not Just Sentences
True inclusive communication isn’t just about rephrasing — it’s about reimagining the system around the message. That includes the tools, tech, and touchpoints that support how messages are shared, received, and revisited.
Build platforms with accessibility features baked in: alt text, captions, keyboard navigation, high-contrast modes
Create opportunities for opt-in engagement — not pressure to perform on the spot
Make asynchronous communication as valid as live conversation
Redefine “professionalism” to honour neurodivergent cadence, scripting, and expression styles
Use modular content: short videos, chunked emails, tappable carousels — not just long docs
Designing inclusive communication is about seeing communication as an ecosystem — not just a sentence.
📚 Neuroscience-Informed Resources
For the curious minds and research enthusiasts, here are key sources informing this guide:
Dr. Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory (social engagement system, safety, and regulation)
Dr. Mona Delahooke – Brain-Body Parenting (neurodevelopmental sensitivity and co-regulation)
Matthew Lieberman et al. – Research on medial prefrontal cortex in face-to-face vs. digital communication
Harvard Center on the Developing Child – Executive function and neurodiverse learning
The Neurodiversity Paradigm (Nick Walker) – Foundational understanding of inclusion beyond compliance
Communication is physiological, emotional, and contextual. Understanding how the brain reacts to language, format, and interaction gives us the power to connect more meaningfully.
❤️ Closing Thought
Neurodiverse communication isn’t about “fixing” how someone speaks or listens — it’s about expanding our shared language so more people can belong.
When in doubt, lead with kindness, consent, curiosity, and care.
Let’s build a world where communication is co-created — not just delivered. Because everyone deserves a voice. And every voice deserves to be received.
✍️ Note from the Author
This guide was shaped by lived wisdom, practical necessity, and the relentless belief that communication can be radically more humane.
I've worn many hats — founder, facilitator, neurodivergent mum, keynote speaker, communications leader — but this? This is a manifesto from the margins to the mainstream. It's what I wish every leader, teacher, and colleague understood.
If you're reading this as someone who leads others — know that you hold the power to shift culture with every conversation, in whatever form that needs to take.
If you're reading this as someone navigating neurodivergence — I see you. You’re not too much. You’ve just been in systems that ask for too little truth.
